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The myth of the fully independent self

Autonomy is real, but it is built through language, care, institutions and countless forms of dependence.

Independence has foundations

Modern culture often celebrates the person who needs nothing, asks for nothing and owes success entirely to private effort. Yet even the most autonomous life relies on language learned from others, public systems, inherited knowledge and often invisible care. Acknowledging these dependencies does not erase agency; it describes the conditions that make agency possible.

From shame to reciprocity

When dependence is treated as failure, illness, unemployment or care needs can become sources of unnecessary shame. A relational view asks not whether we depend, but whether dependencies are fair, visible and open to mutual responsibility. Maturity may therefore consist less in needing no one than in participating honestly in networks of giving and receiving.

Every person is formed through dependence

The ideal of complete independence hides how human life actually begins and continues. Infants survive through care, language and knowledge supplied by other people. Adults also depend on food systems, public health, education and physical infrastructure. Paying for a service does not erase dependence on the worker who provides it. Modern economies distribute tasks so widely that no one understands every supporting process. Autonomy is real, but it is exercised inside relationships and institutions. A person can make a choice because others protected time, safety and information. Unequal access to those supports produces unequal freedom. Illness, disability and ageing make interdependence visible, though it was present all along. Cultures differ in how openly they value family, community and individual decision. Neither collective duty nor personal freedom should be treated as unlimited. A family can offer care while also using dependence to control a member. An institution can praise independence while refusing reasonable support. The ethical question is which dependencies protect dignity and which create domination. Receiving help does not automatically create a debt without limit. Care should recognise the needs and boundaries of both giver and receiver. Interdependence becomes healthy when responsibility and power can be discussed honestly.

A relational self can still be free

Freedom does not require isolation from every influence. It requires meaningful options, information and the ability to refuse coercion. Relationships can expand freedom by providing trust, skills and material security. They can also restrict freedom when belonging depends on silence or obedience. Healthy communities allow members to disagree without losing basic dignity. Personal identity develops through recognition but is not owned by the people who recognise it. We inherit language and tradition while remaining capable of revising both. Gratitude for care can coexist with criticism of harmful expectations. Public policy should not assume that unpaid family care is endlessly available. Caregivers need income, rest and services that prevent sacrifice from becoming exploitation. People without supportive families need institutions that do not abandon them. Mutual aid can respond quickly, but it should not replace accountable public systems. Individual achievement deserves respect without erasing the network that made it possible. Acknowledging dependence can reduce shame around asking for necessary help. It can also increase responsibility for how our choices affect distant workers and environments. The self is neither a closed unit nor a passive product of society. It is an active person whose freedom grows through fair and revisable relationships.

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WHO — Social determinants of health

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